I think the TSA (Transportation Security Administration) loves me. I’m not trying to brag but every time I fly (which is a lot because it’s the backbone of my job), I find a little note from them saying they just couldn’t resist searching my suitcase. If you’ve never found such a confession lying on top of your unmentionables when you unzip your bags, feel free to read the last one they left me.
In my opinion, the note is a bit cold and impersonal in light of the fact that they now know if I wear thongs, briefs or bikini’s and whether I’m into lace, cotton, silk, spandex or something even more interesting. From their search, they know more about my personal preferences than anyone else(other than my husband, of course). I bare all to these strangers and I get a cold shoulder note in return.
Well I decided that wouldn’t do, not with Valentine’s Day and a trip to Portugal on the horizon. So this time, when I finished packing my suitcase I sat down and wrote my secret security admirers a special Valentine that pretended to know a little something about them. I left it on the top of my clothes and left for the airport.
Perhaps you’re thinking this was a bizarre thing to do. And you’re probably right but with all the flying I do, the seriousness of the searches has gotten utterly dull. There’s no joy and certainly no joking in Security-ville. I’m not saying their serious attitude is wrong. After 9/11, I sincerely appreciate the scrutiny. But if they’re going to make me strip as I go through the scanners and search my panties and bras, the least they can let me do is crack a joke every now and then. Levity at the security scanners goes over like a lead box cutter so I figured resorting to a silly Valentine might be more welcome.
I don’t know if anyone actually found my love letter but at least I didn’t get another cold shoulder note from them on Valentine’s Day. Oh, and the giddiness of doing something silly like this is an exhilarating feeling. I actually felt a bit nervous handing off my bag. This feeling was compounded on my return when my boss was behind me on the check-in line and they were randomly searching bags right in front of everyone. I wondered what he’d think of me if he saw that note sitting on the top of my bag when they lifted it open. Thankfully, I wasn’t selected for the public search this time so I didn’t find out. But one thing is for sure, the check-in/security process on this trip was a lot more invigorating than any I’ve gone through in a long time.
Special thanks to Dave who posted a comment saying that my Never B4 project sounded a little like Project Mayhem from the movie Fight Club. That comparison got me thinking about little pranks I’ve never done before and that led me to write the Never B4 Valentine. I also want to thank all of you that posted or emailed me Never B4 ideas. Please keep them coming. There are a lot of weeks left in the year to fill with Never B4’s!
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I love it, Cath. You'll have to keep a funny note on top of your clothes from now on - sooner or later someone will get a kick out of it. Years ago, Rich and I spent a week sailing in the BVI - we were told we could take any dead coral that was on the beach - so we grabbed a few specimens. Well, the US had other ideas about the coral, and when Rich answered honestly if we had any - they dumped our bag out. We had wrapped the coral in our dirty underwear - so, you can imagine what fun they had sorting through that smelly mess. I still laugh about it!
Posted by: Karen Perrin | February 19, 2008 at 06:55 AM